Over half my life has been devoted to learning about myself so that I can coach others. I am fascinated with human behaviour, and am dedicated to helping others see their self-sabotage for what it is.
I work with both groups and individuals to support increased awareness and shifts to finally Look At It Differently, so they can live a life doing all the things they thought were out of reach; they can enjoy life to the fullest knowing they're capable of the integrity and commitment required to help others lead with purpose, live by design, love connected, and experience boundless success in all areas of their lives.
Yes, I have experience as a successful entrepreneur, as a CEO, and as Chairman of the Board. All are rewarding. And, what excites me is helping others take steps towards more in their lives.
(0:00) Setting daily intentions for success (0:34) Introduction and guest welcome (1:22) Darren's background and journey in alternative education (5:57) Overcoming failure and taking control of your life story (11:01) Empowering others and harnessing ADHD (15:25) Learning from decisions and the power of pause in parenting (23:00) Developing life skills and healthy habits in children (29:05) Instilling self-belief and skills in young athletes (34:49) Steps towards personal goals and overcoming obstacles (41:07) Parenting and coaching: strategies and parallels (45:00) The importance of asking better questions and making thoughtful decisions (49:00) Darren's definition of living full fueled and engagement announcement (50:38) Closing remarks (50:44) Sponsor: Full Fueled supplements (50:53) Outro music and final thoughts00:00:00
Otherwise, you just keep losing and losing and losing.
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So every day to me is a chance to rewrite it.
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And I guess that might sound a bit airy fairy, but to me, I I believe it totally, like,
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totally.
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Today is a different day.
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What do you wanna do?
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And if we could just start that with our intent day of, hey, I know what I wanna do today.
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Like, I know which steps I wanna take towards.
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You're not gonna become If you're not successful, you're not gonna be become
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successful today, but there are steps you can take towards success today.
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Yeah.
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To me, that's exciting.
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Like, this gets me going.
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Welcome to the full field podcast.
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Welcome to the full fueled podcast.
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Welcome to the podcast.
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Your host, Matt Tack, with your host, Matt Tack.
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Your host, Matt Tack.
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Who are you?
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I'm Doctor Alfred Less.
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Doctor for the lessee.
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Doctor Alfred Lessey?
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They know
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by now.
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No by now.
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I'm gonna set what the new normal looks like in my life.
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You're
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not limited by your genetics.
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You have a super power
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that is needs to be brought up.
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I do.
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The only way we're gonna get the word out is with you.
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Live full field.
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We're gonna be on limits, baby.
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Let's go.
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All.
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Darren, thanks for coming on the podcast, man.
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Awesome.
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Happy to
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live in full field 7:30 in the morning.
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And, and again, beautiful.
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Plado Carmen, Mexico.
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A
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little bit different location this time.
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I like it.
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It's a tranquil and therapeutic and all of the things above.
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But we're excited to talk to you today.
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There's a lot of things we wanna talk to you about.
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We're writing, out a few things, but I just wanna thank you.
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Number 1.
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More importantly, this has been a pretty just awesome weekend, number 1.
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But you've just You could you have a big heart.
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Like, you can just get that, immediately off your, like, just that you come in just to
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purely add value to people.
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Any really genuinely, like, I I feel that, and it's been really truly amazing, and inspiring.
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And when you, like, say things, like, literally, you can ask me anything.
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I truly feel I could ask you anything.
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And, you give me honest feedback.
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So, if you could just, like, can you highlight yourself a little bit?
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I mean, I know we're gonna go through your bio, but, like, you have such a cool story, that is
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just like it's it's awesome.
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So
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Cool.
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You know, it's it's hard to do, like, the self promotion stuff.
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Because to me, I'm, like, the most regular person of all time.
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I'm not very smart.
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You know, I didn't I didn't come from any great thing.
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I I didn't go to school.
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I I I just sort of figured things out.
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And what happened along the way is I I realized I had a couple of skills that other people
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didn't have.
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It wasn't like, oh, I'm better than, like, oh, you don't see the world this way.
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And so it came mostly up in the world of things like, sales.
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So I was I was a good salesperson because I kinda I didn't go and sell them what they you
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know, what the company told me to sell.
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It was go and meet the people go, oh, I know what you need.
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Oh, what you're asking for is this.
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And so they were, yeah, I'm like, oh, cool.
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We'll get you that.
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And, like, And so I I just get to understand other people.
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And it turned into a lot of things, including I I ended up playing poker everyone plays poker.
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I think when they're growing up, but I was like, no, I'm, like, I'm ridiculously
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successful at it.
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So I kept going and and ended up creating actually one of the biggest games in Canada
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where we'd have people flying up from the big games all over the world to play in our in our
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little game.
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And, I could tell I I started to read people really well.
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I realized it became a strength.
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And I got tired of there's no way that's gonna sound smart or were good, but he said, I got
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tired of winning a poker.
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Is that it felt like yeah.
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It felt like I wasn't doing it the right way.
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I wasn't using these gifts.
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The right way.
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And so, business had been going quite well and I ended up selling a a company and retiring at
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44.
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And I thought, I I wanna coach.
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I wanna help.
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I wanna get back.
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And so I started using the same skills to help other people.
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Entrepreneurs, mostly executives, mostly men who don't have anyone to talk to.
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Because we were all just supposed to figure it out.
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And it took me a long time, and then I just started going, hey, what if I just create space
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based for people to to talk and then we could just get real.
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You know, I don't I'm not a big I don't I don't compliment people.
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I don't go around blowing smoke a lot.
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I'm like, You wanna have a real conversation.
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I'm your guy, and let's get to it.
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And now I use this sort of skill set to read people to say, hey, I think I can help you.
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I think I can help you this way.
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How how can I support you?
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And I do it through, you know, conversation and helping people get out of their own way, of
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their own stories.
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That's my specialty.
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Since I've met you and I've this is obviously my first time meeting you on this trip, I've
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picked up on what you do and how you help people and how you like engage with people.
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And I've just been like thinking like how much better would it be for someone to say come out
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of high school work a job for a bit, get some skills, get some, like, kind of traction going,
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maybe save up a little money.
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And then instead of going to college, work with some like him.
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Somebody like him and invest money into that rather than into, like, institutionalized
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education and gain these, like, and things from somebody who's got some wisdom that's done it
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before.
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Right?
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Like, I don't know.
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Like, in my mind, I'm like, I probably would have done pretty awesome with that,
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you know.
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I would have liked that too.
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Oh, yeah.
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I take education.
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I'm very like, on my terms kind of person.
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So, like, yeah.
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That's really cool, man.
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Well, I I love what you're doing.
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And we got into it yesterday in that, in that circle talk that we did.
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Wanted to talk a little bit about some of the stuff you talked about yesterday, but one of
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the biggest topics and takeaways was that was, like, you are in control of your story.
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Right?
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So, like, if your life story is a book, all these pages and chapters that have already
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passed, they're there.
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Right?
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You're not gonna undo what we're gonna do with that.
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But
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how do we rewrite the rest?
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Or even like the sequel, right?
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A hundred foot.
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Yeah.
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Like, if you wanna just stop that book there, that that's the end of that book, but here's
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part 2.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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It's a really good point.
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I think what a lot of us do is we go, wow, this is my book.
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Like, this odd.
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There's no way out of stock.
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I'm stuck.
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I gotta I just play out play it out.
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And that to me is is is the hottest thing when people just do what they're supposed to do.
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Or I I see it with people.
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Oh, I took over the family business.
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I'm like, oh, do you love it?
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I was like, love it.
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Like, I don't even know what it is.
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I just do it.
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And, I think people, especially men, I think we do it in relationship.
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We're supposed to be this way.
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How am I as a father?
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Well, I just do it like my dad or I do it the opposite of my dad.
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You know, and and oh, I did it bad yesterday.
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So, yeah, Wow.
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Either I'm gonna keep it going, or am I gonna make a change?
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And when you take back control, like, like, I don't control power they get bad, you know,
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wraps out there, but what I'm talking about is what if today could be a different story?
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Like, what if?
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And when you start seeing it that way, and, like, it's not just, a theory, but you actually
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go do it.
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I'm gonna do it better today.
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Like, I'm gonna be a better today.
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10% better.
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2% better.
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Just move forward.
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And yesterday has nothing to do with it.
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It's like, yeah, maybe I got a lesson.
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In fact, one of my favorite thoughts is I'm I'm either winning or learning.
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You know, that's that's it.
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I'm like, well, so if I ain't winning, I hope I learned something.
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Yeah.
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Otherwise, you just keep losing and losing and losing.
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So every day to me is a chance to rewrite it.
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And I get that might sound a bit airy fairy, but to me, I I believe it totally, like,
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totally.
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Today is a different day.
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What do you wanna do?
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And if we could just start that with, intentional day of, hey, I know what I wanna do
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today.
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Like, I know which steps I wanna take towards.
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You're not gonna become If you're not successful, you're not gonna be become
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successful today, but there are steps you can take towards success today.
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Yeah.
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To me, that's exciting.
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Like, this gets me going.
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And where you could kinda like break the airy fairy, which it's not.
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It's not Right.
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It only seems like that because it's not to comment to people.
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Right?
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Yes.
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And like what's common isn't always the best way to go anyway.
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Oh, great.
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Like, let's talk about like action wise, what is like number 1, 2 things that you would start
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with?
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Right?
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Somebody's like in this position, they're stuck.
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Maybe they feel like a failure or whatever situation of life.
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Step 1.
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Yeah.
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So first thing I wanna say, we all feel like fair.
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I'm so sorry.
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Yeah.
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Hold it so that, like, when you talk Yeah.
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But, like, I am.
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So, yeah, we can just get the Okay.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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Yeah.
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Excuse me.
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So he holds it for me?
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Yeah.
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A lot of people.
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And, like, so your whole day kind
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of, like, I'm really sorry.
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Not not that I don't make it don't make it weird.
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Okay.
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I think it's getting us out.
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It's
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Yeah.
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No.
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I think it is too.
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I I yeah.
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Yeah.
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So what I would say first of all is that we're all failure.
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Like, we're all we're all broken.
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You know, like, like, this whole thing, like, we gotta be perfect and we gotta be better than
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everybody else is, like, it's just a scam.
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You know, just be better than you were yesterday.
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That's, like, that's that's a good goal.
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And so when I'm thinking about, like, what would I say is they take a baby step towards
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where you're going.
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Okay.
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You know, I I've coached thousands of athletes and the sport I I'm in is baseball or softball.
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Yeah.
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He's like, don't go up to hit a home run.
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Because you will fail so often that you'll get discouraged and you stop taking your swing.
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So I'm a big fan of getting there, get your cuts.
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But we're we're looking for a single and hit a single.
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You hit a single.
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It's
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like, yeah.
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Yeah.
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It's like, hey, that felt pretty good.
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Oh, then next time you're up, you're you're not coming from here.
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You're like, No.
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I I I know what this is like.
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So now you know what this is like?
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Let's go for this.
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And and it's the incrementally, we can really grow fast.
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But we have the story.
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Like, if I don't hit a home run, if I don't nail it every single time, it's like, dude,
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don't fall for that.
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Right.
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Take a step.
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Take a step.
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And then a thing that I, you know, I didn't talk about yesterday much is this idea of
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congratulations and and celebrations.
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Like, hey, that was good.
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Like, it wasn't perfect, but it's good.
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And especially, again, in the with the masculine, it's it's hard.
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We weren't taught.
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That's a good thing.
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I'm like, sometimes I'm a know, one of my main roles is I'm a cheerleader.
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I'm like, nice work.
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Like, you did that.
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Yeah.
00:10:18
And what we tend to do is go, yeah, but it wasn't that You hit your goal.
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Like, you did your thing today.
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You you went to the gym today.
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You, you know, you you got out of debt in one area today.
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You you made a payment today.
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Like, that's awesome.
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Yeah.
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Just keep stepping.
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Keep stepping.
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And you get people on board with you.
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You start getting a support group of people who don't they're not running it through their own
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lens.
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Like, when I think you guys are picking up on me is, like, I'm not trying to make you into
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many versions of me.
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I just wanna, like, what are you into?
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Like, how do I help with that?
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Yeah.
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Like, I don't go well over here.
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You know what Darren would do?
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In this case, you know, in Canada, he was like, who cares?
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Like, what do you want?
00:11:01
Oh, you want this?
00:11:01
Well, tell me what you got.
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Tell me about your strengths.
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Tell me about your support network.
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Tell me about your goals.
00:11:07
Now, hey, have you considered this?
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You know, like, not through Darren's lens because I don't know exact what you guys wanna
00:11:13
do until I meet you and go, hey, sounds like you're going the right way, or have you
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considered this?
00:11:19
I mean, one of our talks is like, man, I I'm not feeling it.
00:11:22
Hey, I can you give me feedback?
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I'm like, yeah, if you're open to it.
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Yeah.
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And you're really open to it.
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I'm like, cool.
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This is what I see is take it if you want it.
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If you don't, leave it.
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Know, I'm not tied to it because your journey is now my journey.
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Your journey is now my journey.
00:11:36
Right.
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But I love supporting people to move forward.
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I just I it's, like, it's not a, oh, I kinda like it.
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It's like, no, this is, this is what I'm here to do.
00:11:46
Well, that's that's your gift is, like, you bring the best out of people.
00:11:50
Yeah.
00:11:50
Not putting your best into people.
00:11:52
Right?
00:11:52
Very good.
00:11:53
Yeah.
00:11:53
That
00:11:53
just came out of mind.
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That's really good.
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You're right now.
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I've gathered.
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I've taken so much from you because the the biggest thing I struggle with and we should
00:12:00
chat more on this is like the ADHD procrastination thing and kinda what you were
00:12:04
just talking out, like, that's my biggest hurdle, man, is, like, I have a big, big
00:12:08
daunting task, a bunch of stuff that has to get done.
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And the way my brain is, like, no freaking way.
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Just shut down.
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Don't do it.
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Right?
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And then put it off until the last minute.
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Yeah.
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Versus like, how do I just take 10% off of this thing, or how do I buy it off a piece, right?
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And so, like, getting over that man has been it's it's a lot, you know.
00:12:24
And so that's something I've always dealt with.
00:12:26
Yeah.
00:12:27
So I'm if I can offer you another piece, you do also have another thing you.
00:12:31
That's pretty obvious to tell, which is a a high need for intensity.
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And so what happens with
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No kidding.
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Right?
00:12:39
It's pre workout all day.
00:12:41
Right.
00:12:41
And so, you know, a lot of us have this mist or undiagnosed ADHD.
00:12:46
It's it's huge.
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A lot of us have this need for intensity.
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You know, and you put those 2 together.
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It's like one of the most intense experiences you can have is procrastinate and get it done
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right in the last second.
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Mhmm.
00:12:58
And so what happens is we're actually feeding our our part of our mind is like we love this.
00:13:03
True.
00:13:03
And but Wow.
00:13:04
What we do is we beat the crap out of ourselves the whole time.
00:13:07
So once you understand, like, I I think knowledge is really important.
00:13:12
And then wisdom is amazing, but really it's discernment.
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It's like knowing, like, when to use what, when, you know, where And with whom is like,
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when I know stuff, I'm like, okay.
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So this thing's due, or I gotta get it done, I can beat crap out of myself and, you know,
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until an hour before or 10 minutes before or whatever it is, or I can go, I'll get it done.
00:13:35
Yeah.
00:13:35
And then just leave Yeah.
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And and to me, it's one of the greatest gifts is go, why don't why do I play to my
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weaknesses, which is like procrastination?
00:13:44
God, I should have eat.
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I should have done it earlier.
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Actually, one of my strengths is intense.
00:13:49
Yeah.
00:13:49
And and I get stuff done.
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I was gonna say something else.
00:13:52
I get it I get it done.
00:13:53
Right?
00:13:53
I get it done.
00:13:54
And so I now just set it up for you have to do on this time.
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I'm gonna get it done on this time and I'm not gonna think about it beforehand.
00:14:02
Yeah.
00:14:02
And and now I got all other energy to to use for good.
00:14:05
Does that land?
00:14:06
Oh, that was perfect.
00:14:07
And it's because truthfully, like, ADHD, like, people look at it so negatively, it is 100% of
00:14:12
my superpower because Absolutely.
00:14:14
When I when I dial in, I am freaking dialed in.
00:14:16
I can accomplish what people what takes people weeks in, like, a day.
00:14:19
You know?
00:14:20
And if that's if I'm lasered in, obviously, I use a lot of, like, nootropics and and, like,
00:14:24
cognitive enhancers to, like, aid in that process, which who cares, like, it works.
00:14:27
So, like, it's just a matter of like that first step.
00:14:30
It's literally like the first step into the cold water.
00:14:33
It's like once I get like a stuff foot in, then I'm good.
00:14:36
Right.
00:14:36
But it's like taking that.
00:14:37
Right?
00:14:37
Not just staring at the the daunting task.
00:14:40
Yeah.
00:14:40
And so rewriting this is like, okay, I'm gonna take one step.
00:14:44
That's right.
00:14:45
And and and and all this the part of you that says, yeah, but you should be doing it.
00:14:49
It's like, thanks for sharing.
00:14:51
Yeah.
00:14:51
We're not doing that.
00:14:52
We're doing this.
00:14:53
One of my favorite things my granddaughter says constantly, if she doesn't like something, she
00:14:57
says, no, thank you.
00:14:59
Just say it out loud.
00:14:59
I was like, and I So honest about it.
00:15:01
Yeah.
00:15:01
Like, let's we need to start saying that to our thoughts.
00:15:03
Right.
00:15:04
Like, no, thank you.
00:15:05
That's no help.
00:15:06
Oh, you should have done it right.
00:15:07
No.
00:15:07
Thank you.
00:15:08
No.
00:15:08
We're good.
00:15:09
That's awesome.
00:15:10
I there was a quote that I saw the other day, and I put it out there.
00:15:14
The prize of aging is wisdom.
00:15:17
And that element of discernment, you say.
00:15:20
And I think, something that you had mentioned the other day that sat with me a little bit I
00:15:23
wrote it down this morning.
00:15:25
I walked down to the beach.
00:15:26
But, like, is this attitude?
00:15:29
I think you said you did this with your daughters, quite a bit, but, like, either when
00:15:33
they were going to make a decision or already had made a decision, then you would ask them,
00:15:38
was it a good or a bad decision?
00:15:39
Was the outcome you wanted, or wasn't it the outcome you wanted?
00:15:43
And then if it was a good outcome, would you have done anything differently?
00:15:47
Yeah.
00:15:48
If it was a bad outcome, Of course, you would have done it.
00:15:51
What would you have done differently?
00:15:53
Yeah.
00:15:53
Speak into that a little bit in terms of, yeah, yeah, I know the way you approach fatherhood
00:15:58
is, very seriously.
00:15:59
We heard your testimony the other night.
00:16:01
That was cool, but, like, I just that that sat with me.
00:16:03
That was really good.
00:16:04
Yeah.
00:16:05
You know, I think there's a lot of pressure on dads.
00:16:08
Know, we need to we need to be perfect.
00:16:10
We need to discipline.
00:16:12
Like, you get to decide how that works for you, but one of the things I wanted to do was to
00:16:16
empower my daughter And that was me not making all the decisions.
00:16:21
And then going, well, how did it better work?
00:16:23
Because I said it.
00:16:24
It's instead, I I'd explained my decision making to them.
00:16:28
So you and and there was times like, no, we're just doing this.
00:16:31
We'll talk about it later.
00:16:32
But mostly what I raised was All my kids are in their thirties.
00:16:36
They're 3432, but if the other day they were foreign to, you know, we would just talk about
00:16:43
how did you make that decision?
00:16:44
Cause I think that's the process we can really help out.
00:16:46
Right.
00:16:46
Because they're gonna leave us at some point.
00:16:48
Right?
00:16:48
They're gonna go to college or they're gonna get, you know, they're gonna they're gonna
00:16:51
leave.
00:16:52
I don't want him to leave going.
00:16:53
I I only know what dad tells me to do.
00:16:56
Right?
00:16:56
Or I only know what mom tells me to do.
00:16:58
It's like,
00:16:58
no, I I I wanna talk about your decision making process.
00:17:01
And so we would celebrate the great decisions, but we also wouldn't get negative about the the
00:17:06
bad decisions because they make them.
00:17:08
By the way, when's the last time we made a bad decision.
00:17:11
It was like this morning.
00:17:11
This morning.
00:17:12
Right?
00:17:12
I was like, oh my god.
00:17:14
15 minutes ago.
00:17:15
Yeah.
00:17:15
So instead of going, hey, don't make bad decisions.
00:17:17
Go, what did you learn?
00:17:18
Yeah.
00:17:19
What did what did you get from that?
00:17:20
Are you gonna do that again?
00:17:22
And, one of my favorite stories of my young daughter deciding she was gonna wear to school.
00:17:27
On a winter day, we live in Canada, she was gonna wear a summer outfit.
00:17:31
And I'm like, this is what you're choosing today.
00:17:34
And she goes, yeah, I'm like, have you looked those, yes, tell me about the weather.
00:17:38
It's cold, but I wanna wear this down.
00:17:40
I'm like, let's go.
00:17:41
And we went to school.
00:17:42
I got all the looks, horrifying looks from all the parents.
00:17:46
And I just took it, and I went and picked her up.
00:17:50
And the teacher phone.
00:17:51
Can you bring some warmer clothes?
00:17:52
Your daughter is very cold.
00:17:53
I said, sure.
00:17:54
I did.
00:17:55
And we brought him home, and she's looking to get that I am never gonna do that.
00:18:01
I will I will look at I will I promise you.
00:18:04
She was like apologizing, ma'am.
00:18:06
I don't apologize me.
00:18:07
Well, you're the one who's called.
00:18:09
And and she never forgot that lesson.
00:18:13
That's awesome.
00:18:14
I couldn't have gave her that.
00:18:15
I could have told her it fifty times, but You just went through it once.
00:18:18
Now, of course, don't go and get your kid all sick because I said so.
00:18:22
But what I'm we're doing is
00:18:23
Leaving that, it's like not maybe that's good.
00:18:25
Right?
00:18:26
Like, they get a little sick, low immunity boost.
00:18:28
Right?
00:18:28
Like, less
00:18:29
than learn, man.
00:18:29
Less than learn.
00:18:30
Yeah.
00:18:30
And so instead of us, which we are protectors at heart, knowing we gotta make sure
00:18:34
everything's safe and perfect for our kids.
00:18:37
It's like, I don't know what world you live in, but what I know is that my kids make great
00:18:42
decisions out there.
00:18:43
Yeah.
00:18:43
So in an unsafe world at times, they got this thing figured out.
00:18:48
They're watching what's going on around.
00:18:49
They're very perceptive.
00:18:50
And they we talk about different things so that they're ready for whatever shows up.
00:18:55
And what's cool about that, sir, because I know you have one more story that's really
00:18:59
impactful, but it was, you know, in life so often, we want to maybe start that but then not
00:19:10
keep up with it.
00:19:11
Like, it's the consistency of what you do that.
00:19:13
So now I don't know if it was the same daughter, but there was a daughter.
00:19:17
So that you had a daughter that you have 2 daughters.
00:19:20
A 2 daughters.
00:19:20
Yeah.
00:19:22
That makes that decision.
00:19:23
But then you had a then maybe she I don't know if it was the same one that called you up.
00:19:28
And ask for $500.
00:19:29
Tell tell us that story.
00:19:31
It's such a good story.
00:19:32
Daughter.
00:19:32
Okay.
00:19:33
And so, you know, and this is if you have multiple kids, I'll say this.
00:19:38
Like, if you think they're the same, like, like, there's nothing to say about those kids.
00:19:42
Right?
00:19:42
They have
00:19:42
identical twins in there.
00:19:43
So Exactly.
00:19:44
Right.
00:19:44
It's like crazy.
00:19:45
Yeah.
00:19:45
So trying to treat them the same as insane.
00:19:47
Yeah.
00:19:48
And, my oldest who never is never asked for anything in her life.
00:19:52
She's she's really smart.
00:19:53
Well, way smarter than me.
00:19:55
And, when she was off in university, and she went to a really wealthy school, I saved a lot
00:20:01
of people with money.
00:20:03
Went to this school and and my daughter had always worked in the summers.
00:20:06
And so she earned her own money.
00:20:08
That was a big part of how we did things.
00:20:11
She I never know handouts.
00:20:13
Lots of discussion in how to do it better, but she called me and went to, hey, I need $500 and
00:20:18
she'd never asked me for anything.
00:20:20
And $500, you know, I'm I'm just not bragging about 500.
00:20:25
No problem.
00:20:25
It's like it wasn't a big ask.
00:20:26
It was just like, okay.
00:20:28
In my head.
00:20:28
I'm like, okay.
00:20:29
But instead, I just took a beat, which by the way, I highly recommend for a lot of decision
00:20:35
making.
00:20:35
Just just pause.
00:20:37
Power in the pause.
00:20:38
Power in the pause.
00:20:39
And I I said, I'll I'll get I'll get back to you.
00:20:43
And I called her mom, which is saying something.
00:20:45
This is my, you know, someone I'm divorced to with, and just say, hey, remind me, what are we
00:20:50
doing here?
00:20:51
Because I'm lost.
00:20:52
My my father of the instincts is just fix it.
00:20:55
Fix it.
00:20:56
500.
00:20:56
I'll send you 5000.
00:20:57
Let's make it go away.
00:20:59
And my, ex wife to her credit, she like, you remember what we're doing here?
00:21:04
Like, we're we're helping them figure this out.
00:21:07
We're not solving.
00:21:09
And it was it hit hard.
00:21:11
I I didn't wanna make the call, you know, like, but, hey, you know, let me let's talk about
00:21:17
ways that we can figure this out.
00:21:18
I'm not gonna send you the money.
00:21:20
And my daughter for the first time was furious with me.
00:21:23
Like, you know, every other kid here that you get everything paid for, and I'm working 2
00:21:27
jobs.
00:21:28
And my kiddo, if you gotta work 3 jobs, you gotta work 3 jobs.
00:21:32
Like, let's go.
00:21:33
And she and she said, I I I finally asked her which was the wrong thing to do is what do you
00:21:38
need the money for?
00:21:38
Because it was it was kind of accusatory.
00:21:41
And she was like, I'm not sharing, you know, anything with you.
00:21:44
But what happened was she hung up on me, and I was like, man, I'm a terrible father.
00:21:49
I just sat with it.
00:21:50
It went, you know, the big goal here?
00:21:52
I want my kid to be able to figure things out.
00:21:54
Of course, I'm gonna help them when it's desperate.
00:21:56
Right?
00:21:57
I give, you know, emergencies.
00:21:58
Emergency.
00:21:59
But I just I knew it wasn't.
00:22:01
And she says to this day that that was the biggest that was the biggest impact on her
00:22:07
college life.
00:22:08
Is she didn't wanna be like all these other kids.
00:22:11
So when they got in trouble, they phoned and they got stalled.
00:22:14
She got to use this most brilliant part of her and figure it And what she figured out is she
00:22:19
didn't really need the $500.
00:22:21
She didn't really need what she thought she needed, but she needed a pause too.
00:22:26
And and one of the things I've taught my kids is watch me.
00:22:30
Like, do what I do.
00:22:31
Don't do it my way, but, like, she said, you you always pause.
00:22:35
You always take your time.
00:22:37
Yeah.
00:22:37
It's awesome.
00:22:37
And I took my time.
00:22:38
I realized, I don't actually wanna go.
00:22:40
It was it turned out she wanted to go to sir.
00:22:42
And, you know, who does wanna go to concerts?
00:22:44
Because I can listen to the music at home and, you know, have a good time there.
00:22:48
I'm like, smart, smart play.
00:22:50
$500 concert.
00:22:51
Who the hell
00:22:51
was that?
00:22:52
There were some extras involved.
00:22:54
I think she rounded up.
00:22:56
Yeah.
00:22:57
Right.
00:22:57
She's like, I could squeeze a little bit.
00:22:58
Yeah.
00:22:58
Let's get a little extra.
00:23:00
Well, that's the that's the the parenting thing that I've been taking away from this book I'm
00:23:04
reading.
00:23:04
And it's like when you come to the rescue, you are not developing any life skills for the your
00:23:09
kid.
00:23:09
Right?
00:23:09
And it's like, they don't have to they don't have to work for anything.
00:23:12
They don't have to even think.
00:23:13
And so it's like, how do we we're all parents here Our kids are a bit younger than yours.
00:23:17
Right?
00:23:18
But like, how are we raising thinkers and not like followers or like someone who you know, we
00:23:24
go back and forth on this topic all the time with school.
00:23:26
I'm very I'm I'm kind of anti, like, like, school system because it teaches kids what to
00:23:32
think, not how to think.
00:23:33
Know not every single one, but I just think like that people are just everyone's just doing
00:23:37
the same thing in a way that they expect it to be done versus like outside the box.
00:23:42
Like, how do I figure this problem out?
00:23:43
Right?
00:23:43
Yes.
00:23:44
And, like, truthfully, like, I was the one calling my parents for money all the
00:23:47
time.
00:23:47
Right.
00:23:48
Like, I
00:23:48
went to I got a DUI one time and I was in jail and I was like, bail me out.
00:23:51
Like, please, like, I need you, you know, and, like, I don't know if anybody has the listeners
00:23:55
know that story, but it's, like, that's kinda how how my family was, man.
00:23:58
And so, like, I think I was it took me longer to learn those lessons.
00:24:01
100%.
00:24:01
Yeah.
00:24:02
Totally.
00:24:03
Really good point.
00:24:03
You know, as an added bonus that I'm thinking about my daughters is they both married really
00:24:07
good men.
00:24:08
That's And I think a lot of that, I'm not taking credit going, oh, I did that, but but I
00:24:13
think they understood the value of a good man, you know, of someone who is not that they can
00:24:18
control or that they can they can be controlled by it, but it's somebody that we can have
00:24:23
conversations so we can figure this out together.
00:24:25
And both uh-uh the men that they that they re that they married are really strong character
00:24:32
men.
00:24:32
And it's like, I couldn't hope anything more.
00:24:35
Yeah.
00:24:35
That's awesome.
00:24:36
I think, one of the biggest traits, and that's what I'm actually taking a lot of away from you
00:24:41
with, obviously, three girls growing up and that's kind of like, you know, one of those,
00:24:45
like, kind of fear items.
00:24:46
I've seen it from my sister.
00:24:48
My sister made a really, really poor decision when she was 21.
00:24:53
But my dad almost like my dad let her make a decision.
00:24:57
Right?
00:24:57
He he's like, I'm not intervening.
00:24:59
If you wanna choose to marry him, like, I'm not I'm not recommending you marry him, but it's
00:25:05
your decision at the end of the day.
00:25:07
And it did not end well.
00:25:09
I
00:25:09
know.
00:25:09
Yeah.
00:25:10
She has since met in a may my brother-in-law is amazing, and she's moved on from that.
00:25:16
But it's still, like, I see this, like, kind of resentment that has just followed her.
00:25:21
But I respect my dad.
00:25:22
I'm like, like, how do you how do you insert yourself?
00:25:26
Like, how do you protect?
00:25:27
Cause like as a father, you just always wanna protect.
00:25:29
Right.
00:25:31
But that's, like, as a man, especially with young children, I'm thinking that I'm I'm
00:25:36
always like, you know, how what am I doing, like, today?
00:25:41
To mitigate the risk.
00:25:43
Right?
00:25:43
It's always our
00:25:43
you're mitigating risk, right,
00:25:44
of, like, potentially that's
00:25:44
something happening.
00:25:49
Right?
00:25:50
And that's what we're talking about here is really, like, not it's showing them rather than
00:25:57
just giving or doing, like, you're you're actually you're giving them the tied guided
00:26:01
tools to, like, manufacture.
00:26:03
I think that's those stories are so huge and Yeah.
00:26:06
And it it it does come down at the age of four or five.
00:26:10
Hey, dad.
00:26:10
I wanna wear a summer outfit.
00:26:12
Yeah.
00:26:12
In the winter.
00:26:14
In Canada.
00:26:15
Canada.
00:26:15
Hello.
00:26:16
Prime example is like is like letting your kids make food choices.
00:26:19
Like, that's a big thing for me.
00:26:20
Like, I don't buy, like, processed food much.
00:26:22
Like, maybe we'll have some crackers and stuff in the house, but like, you go to a birthday
00:26:25
party and it's all cakes and cupcakes and shit.
00:26:27
And like, I'm like, I tell my kids that they're like, oh, can I have a cupcake?
00:26:30
You know, they're 3, but I'm like, Go ahead, buddy.
00:26:32
If you wanna have one, just remember how you feel after that.
00:26:35
You turn into a lunatic.
00:26:36
Like, you know, and then your stomach hurts and then you can't sleep and then your groggy the
00:26:40
next day.
00:26:40
So mean, stealing that as, like, what what does that cupcake do for you?
00:26:44
Pretty much nothing, but, like, go for it.
00:26:46
You know, you want that?
00:26:47
Obviously, I'm the one who deals with the fall of the next period.
00:26:50
It's the terrible bedtime, but, you know, it's, again, it starts at that age, man.
00:26:54
And I love that because it's so counterculture Yeah.
00:26:57
Than what most people do.
00:26:58
You know?
00:26:59
I think I think you're right.
00:27:00
You know what?
00:27:01
What I do for living is I teach adults is the same thing I was teaching my kids, which is
00:27:05
there's we can't control the chaos.
00:27:07
Like, there's chaos that's happening.
00:27:08
It's gonna happen today.
00:27:10
It's gonna happen tomorrow.
00:27:11
It's gonna happen all around us.
00:27:12
You can't control the chaos.
00:27:13
You get to decide what to do with the chaos.
00:27:16
And once you know that, it is un you're unstoppable because there are days that we join
00:27:21
the chaos.
00:27:22
We're like, you know what?
00:27:23
Let's go.
00:27:23
You know, I wanna fight the chaos.
00:27:25
I wanna I wanna wrestle a pig.
00:27:26
Like, oh, good for you.
00:27:27
I was like, have a good shot.
00:27:29
And there's the days I do, I go, why did I do It's like, I went to autopilot.
00:27:33
I went to what I knew.
00:27:34
I went to, like, I'm offended and I'm pissed off and I'm blah blah blah.
00:27:39
But the chaos is always happening.
00:27:40
If we can rise above the chaos, we go, what do I wanna do with the chaos?
00:27:43
And there are days I've jumped in, but most days I go, you know, that what I'm gonna do
00:27:46
with the chaos is I'm gonna I gotta use it for something else.
00:27:50
And when you get the power perspective in that, which I was teaching my kids without knowing
00:27:54
it, but I kind of kept writing these things down and noticing and what works and what's not
00:27:59
working.
00:28:00
And I interviewed leaders, and I kept saying, oh, they have a better mindset than They just
00:28:05
have a betterment.
00:28:05
And in fact, really, all they do is they tell themselves a better story than everybody else.
00:28:10
And because it's that, I don't know if it's true that I'm a great dad.
00:28:14
Like, I can't prove it.
00:28:15
I don't have science behind it, but I think I'm a great dad.
00:28:18
And then I act like a great dad.
00:28:20
And sooner or later, weirdly, a great debt.
00:28:23
Right?
00:28:23
And I realized it worked the same way in business.
00:28:26
Like, I I think I'm a good businessman.
00:28:28
I think I figure things out.
00:28:29
I think I'm I can handle things.
00:28:31
And then I did, and it it worked out.
00:28:33
And now once you understand, it's like, what story am I telling myself?
00:28:38
Because when chaos comes and I go, I gotta jump in and I gotta fix it and I gotta solve and and
00:28:43
I knew this was gonna happen.
00:28:44
All that crap, we just wasted another day.
00:28:46
You know, it's just another day.
00:28:48
Instead of going no.
00:28:49
I I knew chaos was coming, but I'm going this way.
00:28:52
Because I the story I make up is I'm gonna figure this out.
00:28:56
I'm gonna get ahead.
00:28:57
I'm gonna win.
00:28:58
And I then I just find evidence that that's true.
00:29:01
Once I do that, I'm not saying it's easy.
00:29:04
It was not.
00:29:05
Definitely not.
00:29:05
But way better than jumping into chaos and saying what's gonna happen.
00:29:09
I hope I beat chaos today.
00:29:11
And it's so much easier when they're when kids are young to, like, instill these things.
00:29:15
Sure.
00:29:16
Then to, like, well, what did you say when you were like, it's easier to fix, like, a a a kid
00:29:20
than or to, like, help a kid learn these skills than to fix, like, an adult who's had all these
00:29:25
just so much ingrained in you.
00:29:26
Now you're forty years old and you're trying to undo everything.
00:29:29
Like, that's a that's tough, man.
00:29:31
Yeah.
00:29:31
That's why I work with kids.
00:29:32
I work with young athletes, before their, you know, national team or, Olympians, but I I
00:29:38
worked with them quite young on their mindset because they're we're pretty you know, it's
00:29:44
really early days.
00:29:45
We're not in concrete.
00:29:46
Right?
00:29:47
Often when I work with, people who are burnt out, in the business world, usually in their
00:29:53
late forties or mid fifties, something in there where they thought the ad was when I get to the
00:29:59
top, man, am I ever gonna be good?
00:30:01
Am I ever gonna be relaxed?
00:30:02
I ever gonna be happy.
00:30:04
And they got there, and they realized it was all the scam.
00:30:07
It's like, there's happiness isn't waiting.
00:30:09
And, I will work with those people because I because I love to help people.
00:30:14
But it we way easier if we knew some of the stuff we were 4, 5, 6.
00:30:18
Right?
00:30:18
So there's two things I love working with kids, and I love working with moms and dads.
00:30:23
And my partner, Kelly, she works she is a parenting coach.
00:30:26
And so we really get to instill, with the parent how to help your kid.
00:30:32
You know, she's so good at that.
00:30:34
And then I work with, you know, the business aspect and the peep, you know, how we're doing
00:30:39
it better, the relationship side, because it's all the same, by the way.
00:30:42
Once you learn how to do this in any area, it works in all areas.
00:30:45
It's it's this idea of, like, what who am I?
00:30:48
What are my strengths and what do I want?
00:30:50
Yeah.
00:30:50
And then once I'm clear on that, I stop blaming everybody else for me not getting what I want.
00:30:55
Because most of us, when I ask you, what do you want, people look at me like, I've never been
00:31:00
asked that.
00:31:00
Yeah.
00:31:00
It's like, that's sad.
00:31:02
Can you Can you run through the the exercise you took us through just real quick Sure.
00:31:06
Where we did, like, the health, wealth, relationships, purpose, you grade yourself, And
00:31:10
then, like, the action plan, because, like, we're very much, obviously, I love this topic,
00:31:14
but, like, just some action for the listeners.
00:31:17
Great.
00:31:17
Happy to do that.
00:31:20
What we'll say is most people come to see me, I'm a coach.
00:31:24
I, you know, I could say I'm a life coach, sounds hilarious to me.
00:31:28
I'm just I'm a results guy.
00:31:30
I'm a results coach.
00:31:31
I help people get better results.
00:31:32
And so the first thing you gotta know if you want better results is what are your current
00:31:36
results?
00:31:37
And so I don't care what everyone else says.
00:31:40
I wanna know how you feel.
00:31:42
So I I usually ask around 4 subjects because that's what people come to work on, which is
00:31:47
health, wealth, relationships, and purpose.
00:31:51
And I say, just give me a number 1 to 10 of where you're at.
00:31:53
And then people wanna me a big story.
00:31:55
I'm like, you don't need a big story.
00:31:56
It's just like 7.
00:31:58
Okay.
00:31:58
Great.
00:31:59
How does how does it feel to be a 7?
00:32:00
You know, do you like being a 7?
00:32:02
And almost be like, no.
00:32:03
I hate these 7.
00:32:04
I wanna be a 9 or a 10.
00:32:08
That's the majority of people.
00:32:09
And every once in a while, we know we're a 4.
00:32:11
Or a 3 in some area.
00:32:13
And that sucks.
00:32:14
And they don't often share that with me.
00:32:15
Most people are like, no, I wanna work on money.
00:32:18
I'm like, great.
00:32:18
Let's work on money.
00:32:19
And then I show them some stuff, which I'll I'll give you a couple starting points.
00:32:23
And then once you see that it works some money, like, you go from a 7 to a 9.
00:32:28
So imagine how fast you can go from a 3 to an 8.
00:32:31
Like, it's it's like, once you know the steps, you just keep doing the steps.
00:32:34
Replicate.
00:32:35
Replicate.
00:32:36
And and you start to believe it yourself.
00:32:38
And I think if I could share anything, it's like we're we're not our own biggest fans, and
00:32:42
that's the saddest thing to me.
00:32:44
Like, I'm not arrogant.
00:32:46
I'm just confident.
00:32:47
Like, I'll figure it out.
00:32:48
I don't think that makes me better than anybody, which is arrogance.
00:32:51
Arrogance is I'm better than you.
00:32:52
Confidence is I believe in me.
00:32:54
And that's it.
00:32:55
I I believe in me.
00:32:56
And I just actually have another cheat code, which is I believe it's something much bigger
00:33:01
than me.
00:33:02
So I'm like, we we got this.
00:33:03
Know, we got this.
00:33:04
And if if you believe in god, I was like, you just have a leg up.
00:33:08
You have multiple legs up, but in this case, it really helps to go.
00:33:12
I we'll get there.
00:33:13
We're gonna get there if that's what I'm supposed to do.
00:33:15
Okay.
00:33:16
So the next step after sort of where are you at?
00:33:19
If you're going on a trip, what people always say is, well, here's where I wanna go.
00:33:23
I'm like, that's half of it.
00:33:24
You gotta know where you're at.
00:33:25
So here's where I'm at.
00:33:27
Where do you wanna go?
00:33:28
And if you wanna go from a 7 to a 10 or whatever it is, say, great.
00:33:33
Now let's break down the steps.
00:33:35
What's what what do you need to do to get What would a 10 be doing?
00:33:39
You know, if you can't even think about your own self being a 10, think about someone's a
00:33:44
10, and it like, what we just had at this conference is there's a bunch of tens.
00:33:48
Right?
00:33:48
Totally.
00:33:48
It's like, you can go ask a 10 what they will what they do.
00:33:52
And if they're a real 10, I'll tell you what they'll share to.
00:33:55
It's my experience of the Marcus Collais is in the Matt Maves of the world who are are are
00:34:00
rocking at 10.
00:34:01
Mike is Diana's, like, hey, tell me about what what do you do?
00:34:05
Yeah.
00:34:05
And they don't go, oh, hey.
00:34:07
No.
00:34:07
I can't possibly share the trade secrets.
00:34:09
They're like, let me pour into you.
00:34:12
Yeah.
00:34:12
If you find the right 10 in the world, you just interview them.
00:34:15
By the way, that's what I used to do.
00:34:17
3, 4 cell phones, I just call people on pay phones and go, hey, can I I've I've heard about
00:34:22
you?
00:34:22
Can I set up a meeting?
00:34:24
Like, who are you?
00:34:25
That's why we ask you to be on the podcast.
00:34:27
Asked better questions.
00:34:29
They'd be cute.
00:34:29
They'd be cute.
00:34:31
And so when you when you know where you're at and where you wanna go, we just talk about what
00:34:38
are the steps you need to take.
00:34:39
And then most people tell me about the home runs.
00:34:42
Well, if I just, you know, if I just get this huge deal.
00:34:45
If I if I just make this beauty queen, if I just okay.
00:34:49
What's the step you're gonna take today?
00:34:52
Like, I don't wanna talk about the woman wants to talk about the singles.
00:34:54
Right?
00:34:54
They don't wanna talk about the little wins.
00:34:56
I'm like, you're gonna have a series of little wins.
00:34:59
And you'll be there before you know it.
00:35:01
And people are like, a lot of people bail on me at that point.
00:35:05
They're like, no.
00:35:06
I thought you're gonna teach me how to hit home runs.
00:35:08
I'm like, I'm a hitting coach in softball baseball.
00:35:11
I don't teach you when to hit home run.
00:35:13
I teach you, make a really good swing.
00:35:16
Every once in a while, the ball leaves a ballpark.
00:35:18
But my job is to teach you out of a really good swing in ball.
00:35:21
My job as a coach is to help you take steps towards where we wanna go.
00:35:26
And then the last piece, what we did yesterday, to tell you about what's gonna get in the way.
00:35:31
We there's this fantasy that, well, if I just get clear and I just say it, it'll all just
00:35:36
magically work out.
00:35:37
I'm like, you're still you.
00:35:39
Right?
00:35:39
You're still, you're beautiful you with all your complexities and your issues and your
00:35:44
problems, and most of us have 2 or 3 common stories.
00:35:48
That if we don't out them, we're surprised by them.
00:35:52
I share his story.
00:35:53
Like, I I go on stage quite a bit.
00:35:55
And for many, many years in still yesterday.
00:35:59
I know a voice is coming.
00:36:01
I know it's coming.
00:36:02
It's a voice that tells me you're stupid.
00:36:05
Nobody cares and you should sit down.
00:36:07
Now I've only had this voice my whole life, but I I used to fight through it.
00:36:12
I can do the I'm like, I'll show you voice.
00:36:14
I'll show you on every talk I've ever done when when we were talking 100.
00:36:19
But it was when I finally went Oh, I know the voice is coming.
00:36:23
Like, it's it's only always comes.
00:36:24
In fact, I give it a name.
00:36:25
I call my drunk uncle.
00:36:27
My drunk uncle is, You're so stupid.
00:36:30
You just just shout out.
00:36:32
And I guess when it comes, I just go just I got you to go sit over there.
00:36:35
Go sit over there drunk uncle.
00:36:37
And now I there's a there's a last, like, maybe a year ago.
00:36:40
I'm on stage and I'm laughing.
00:36:42
I wasn't walking up.
00:36:43
So, oh, it's not coming.
00:36:44
Like, it's not coming.
00:36:45
Where is he?
00:36:45
Then he's like, like, and here he is Derek Collins, you know, introducing Derek Collins
00:36:49
and this the lights came on and I'm just holly because he just came hard.
00:36:52
He waited till last night.
00:36:53
You're an idiot.
00:36:54
You're moron.
00:36:55
Like, no, thank you.
00:36:57
Yes.
00:36:57
Ghost sit over there.
00:36:58
And I literally did this point and it's gone.
00:37:02
And now I do my talk.
00:37:03
Well, I used to go I hope it doesn't come.
00:37:05
I hope it doesn't come.
00:37:06
Oh, no.
00:37:07
Now I'm oh, no.
00:37:08
It can't it's you preplanned for this folks.
00:37:11
So what saying is once you know your stories, once you know what's gonna get in the way, just
00:37:15
out it.
00:37:16
And we talked about this.
00:37:17
You know, I I like cute little things, but name it to tame it.
00:37:21
You know, just name it.
00:37:22
Like, drunk uncle.
00:37:24
Yeah.
00:37:24
Name it.
00:37:24
As soon as I do that, I tame it.
00:37:26
Doesn't scare me anymore.
00:37:27
It's not gonna it's not gonna be weird.
00:37:29
I shouldn't have it.
00:37:30
It is.
00:37:31
And once I name it, I tame it, I reframe it.
00:37:33
He actually inspires me.
00:37:34
You know, my drunk uncle inspires me.
00:37:36
It's like, yeah, I gotta be more precise.
00:37:38
I gotta get to the point because people do have a short attention span.
00:37:42
So, boom, I'm gonna do it that way.
00:37:43
Thank you, drunk, Uncle, for your help.
00:37:45
And making me a better speaker.
00:37:47
So I've taken my and that's one example of many where once you know your story, you can reframe
00:37:53
that thing to make it work for you.
00:37:55
And we had some examples yesterday of, like, horrible things happening to humans.
00:37:59
And if you just go, yeah, but what about this?
00:38:02
What about this?
00:38:03
You know, I I got married in my high school sweetheart.
00:38:06
It was a terrible marriage.
00:38:08
Terrible.
00:38:08
I got married at 21.
00:38:10
No idea what I'm doing.
00:38:11
And we because we're getting we're having a kid.
00:38:14
Right?
00:38:15
If I could go back and change that, I would never change that.
00:38:19
And it was brutal.
00:38:20
Like, it was a terrible marriage.
00:38:23
Well, I got 2 daughters out of that marriage.
00:38:25
And, you know, if in the moment, if you ask me, I'm like, get me out of this.
00:38:29
Like, if I had 3 wishes and a genie, I'd be like, oh, I wouldn't wouldn't have gone to that
00:38:34
party and met that, you know, and did that thing where we got pregnant.
00:38:38
I was like, oh, please let me go back, but The reality is it was one of the, if not, the
00:38:43
greatest gift in the world was getting married and getting pregnant at a young age.
00:38:48
So I have these kids who are, like, so cool in my life, my biggest lessons.
00:38:54
I would never change those painful thing.
00:38:56
So I've reframed it to go.
00:38:58
This is the greatest thing ever.
00:38:59
You made a choice to reframe it versus to just, like, accept that it was negative and this is
00:39:05
always my story, blah blah blah.
00:39:07
What was me?
00:39:07
And that's what most people do.
00:39:09
They just like sit in that, like, that pity party and you can't grow from It's once you
00:39:14
like shake that off and say, yeah, this is my story.
00:39:16
Dougly sucks, but here I am.
00:39:18
How do I Oh,
00:39:22
you know, you know, you said something like when you were you you said, you work with adult
00:39:27
kids.
00:39:28
Yeah.
00:39:29
You really do have to kinda, like, respect that even when you're even when you're speaking
00:39:33
because of, like, there's so many people that choose not to reframe.
00:39:37
Right?
00:39:37
And then you gotta know who you're, like, speaking to at the end of the day.
00:39:41
And, really, they're just living out their childhood and adult.
00:39:44
Normally.
00:39:45
An adulthood.
00:39:46
Right?
00:39:46
It was because they never
00:39:47
got past
00:39:47
that.
00:39:48
They're still.
00:39:48
Yeah.
00:39:49
Yeah.
00:39:49
And that's what's so cool about what you do.
00:39:51
And even like sulfate is that, when you do choose to put yourself in situations that
00:39:59
naturally are just gonna be comfortable.
00:40:01
Like, I mean, people open up their story than other people.
00:40:04
You you heard their story.
00:40:05
Oh, I resonate with that story, and I can get a little bit better from that.
00:40:09
And that's when the ABQs come out.
00:40:12
That's when you when you hear somebody else trying to reframe their story, you're like, oh,
00:40:17
wow.
00:40:17
She's 5 years through this.
00:40:19
And she's like, she she really reframe this, like, how you get the perspective.
00:40:24
And then you can ask that questions to somebody that has gone from a 4 to a 7.
00:40:29
Yeah.
00:40:29
And you're at 4 and you just need to get to that 5 bumper.
00:40:32
Yeah.
00:40:33
So ultimately, see it.
00:40:34
Right?
00:40:35
And, that is just like such a cool that that reframe of thought, that rewiring only as good
00:40:42
as the story you tell yourself over and over and over and over and over again.
00:40:47
It's pretty neat.
00:40:48
And What's really cool is that you literally so the way you, like, parented is essentially,
00:40:58
like, the framework of how you're, like, coaching adult kids now in business and all
00:41:06
these other things.
00:41:07
Because it is like it is 100% that mindset.
00:41:09
Like 100%.
00:41:10
Breaking new barriers.
00:41:11
Like, that's all like, well, you know, you've gotten here And then that process of, like, the
00:41:17
journey is the destination.
00:41:18
And that's actually on stage.
00:41:20
I said this the other day that I'm in a beautiful sea is a beautiful season of life.
00:41:24
Yeah.
00:41:24
Although it's super super difficult, when you do it around the people you enjoy and are,
00:41:30
like, in that community, that the process becomes that much more like you can be present
00:41:36
with the process.
00:41:36
And that's something that I've been really trying to work on this year is that as
00:41:40
entrepreneurs, like, I wanna fast forward everything.
00:41:43
Like, yeah, I wanna get to I wanna get to, you know, 12 years from now or 10 years from now or
00:41:49
even 5.
00:41:49
Like, as quick as possible.
00:41:50
But the reality is is, like, it the it's horrible way of thinking because I want to be
00:41:56
now because Do I want my eight year old to be twenty?
00:42:00
No.
00:42:01
Alright.
00:42:01
Thank you all the way through.
00:42:03
Yeah.
00:42:03
Yeah.
00:42:03
Careful.
00:42:04
We ask for it.
00:42:04
Yeah.
00:42:05
I just one.
00:42:05
I'll hug your
00:42:06
guys out.
00:42:06
Business goes.
00:42:06
Everything's gonna happen.
00:42:07
Everything's gonna
00:42:08
happen.
00:42:09
The sad
00:42:09
part is that's what's happening to a lot of people.
00:42:11
It's like, they just wake up, and now it's 10 years, 12 years later.
00:42:15
But I said I work with men, you know, in their fifties.
00:42:18
Most of them are like, help me help me with business they tell me a little bit more.
00:42:23
Like, I'm actually burnt out, and then they tell me a little bit more.
00:42:25
I don't have a relationship with my kids.
00:42:27
It's because I just I wanted it so bad.
00:42:30
I just I forgot everything else.
00:42:32
So, you know, if you could go back, what would you what would you do different?
00:42:35
It's like, I I'd I'd tell myself, enjoy today.
00:42:38
You know, like, enjoy this because they're not gonna stay 8, and they're not gonna stay 4.
00:42:42
And they're not they keep moving, and it's beautiful.
00:42:45
But if you miss it, like, the that's on you.
00:42:47
Like like, you're making a choice.
00:42:49
I think you guys said it.
00:42:50
You say it all the time, this version of choice.
00:42:53
I think once you understand that it's a choice, you don't get to whine anymore.
00:42:57
Right?
00:42:57
We don't like to complain anymore.
00:42:58
Right?
00:42:58
It's like, just you either do it or don't do it.
00:43:01
It's like, that's it.
00:43:02
It's a choice.
00:43:03
So and to me, that's what I think men need a little wake up.
00:43:07
Call.
00:43:07
Say it's a choice.
00:43:09
Say, oh, I have to.
00:43:10
You know what?
00:43:10
I'll tell I tell this to people all the time.
00:43:12
You don't have to do anything.
00:43:13
There's nothing you have to do.
00:43:15
You just don't wanna face the consequences of it.
00:43:18
But if you tell yourself it's a choice, you immediately have a different energy.
00:43:21
Right?
00:43:21
It's a choice to go to jail.
00:43:23
I have to go to the gym.
00:43:24
I wanna go to gym.
00:43:25
True.
00:43:25
Yeah.
00:43:26
Right?
00:43:26
Which which one is gonna be a better experience?
00:43:28
Yeah.
00:43:28
I don't have to tuck my kid in.
00:43:30
I get to tuck my kid in.
00:43:32
Like, what do you tell yourself?
00:43:34
You know, our brains, our our minds are fascinating.
00:43:37
It was what we are telling your self is coming through in energy in so many different ways.
00:43:42
You're hurting yourself and negative thoughts, and you are helping yourself thoughts.
00:43:47
That is like the bottom layer.
00:43:48
Like, the simplified way, have more positive thoughts.
00:43:51
Yeah.
00:43:51
And one of it is your language you use.
00:43:54
And so if you can help each other, you know, get people in your life who, like, you start
00:43:58
complaining and you start beating yourself up.
00:44:00
You start telling yourself all these crappy stories to have someone go, hey, what are we
00:44:05
doing here?
00:44:06
Know, what are we doing?
00:44:07
Is this what you want?
00:44:08
There's old saying of focus goes energy flows.
00:44:12
Like, what are you focusing on?
00:44:13
And then watch your energy Right?
00:44:14
Just watch it.
00:44:15
And suddenly, you can see how much damage you're doing.
00:44:19
Just your own story, your own story.
00:44:21
And it's all it is is story.
00:44:23
Story you've made up about yourself.
00:44:24
It's a story you made up about your ex wife, your partner, your, you know, the gym, traffic,
00:44:30
you know, whatever it is.
00:44:31
It's all stories.
00:44:32
Yeah.
00:44:32
And then we go out and find it and we'll look, I'm right.
00:44:34
What if you just change your story?
00:44:36
What if you just hey.
00:44:37
I'm gonna look at it differently.
00:44:39
I'm gonna find evidence that my new story is right.
00:44:44
Right?
00:44:44
I am a successful human.
00:44:46
And that part of you, no.
00:44:48
I'm not.
00:44:48
I'm like, find evidence today that I'm successful.
00:44:51
Find evidence.
00:44:52
Well, I went to the gym.
00:44:53
Success.
00:44:54
Right?
00:44:55
Oh, I ate well today.
00:44:56
Success.
00:44:57
And we'll just keep building and building and building.
00:45:00
Well, this is how much you've helped me based on this crazy one thing.
00:45:05
I go back to the story of, like, well, how you how you even ask, ask your kids, right, growing
00:45:11
up.
00:45:12
And so we saw this golf course coming in.
00:45:15
Yeah.
00:45:15
We love golf.
00:45:16
Like, I absolutely love golf.
00:45:18
Like, it's just one of those things when you can crush a golf ball.
00:45:21
It's just like South therapeutic However, I was like thinking, I was like, you know, we we need
00:45:28
to get a few podcasts in our pipeline.
00:45:30
I was like, what's a better decision?
00:45:32
Should I ask?
00:45:32
You know, there's a lot of awesome, awesome people here.
00:45:36
And, so, like, I was, like, thinking maybe Monday, we could go golfing.
00:45:40
And then I processed through.
00:45:41
And I was like, well, there's a lot of really, like, I mean, there's, like, some high level
00:45:44
people.
00:45:45
You have Darren.
00:45:46
You have Marcus.
00:45:47
Yeah.
00:45:47
I'd like you have Mike, Diana of all these people.
00:45:51
Yeah.
00:45:51
And so I'm like, well, what's the better decision?
00:45:54
Good question.
00:45:55
What's the what's the better decision?
00:45:57
Going golfing.
00:45:58
I might have made golf.
00:45:59
And I and but then I had to also process through.
00:46:02
Well, I don't have my clubs, and I really liked playing with my own clubs.
00:46:06
Right.
00:46:06
So I really love playing with my own clubs.
00:46:09
And, like, although, like, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a nice course, am I what what's the
00:46:15
value that is potentially created on the outside of it?
00:46:19
And so I was like, well, like, we're sitting down with Darren and and we're prerecording
00:46:24
content and we're like, we we get to put this out into the world and this helps one person.
00:46:29
Like, was golf for me where that golf.
00:46:33
Exponent.
00:46:34
Like, did it make me that much better now playing with my own clubs?
00:46:37
I was like, what's the better decision here?
00:46:39
So good.
00:46:39
You know, there's 2 things you did that I just wanna capture because I think people are
00:46:43
listening to this.
00:46:44
Like, what what it what how would that work?
00:46:47
One thing we talk about is asking a better question.
00:46:49
And so what we tend to do is we ask ourselves very familiar questions.
00:46:53
And so So we, like, what do I wanna do today?
00:46:56
How's it going?
00:46:57
We we say that the same question we say to ourselves.
00:47:00
We say it out loud.
00:47:01
And so if we just start upping our questions, what you'll notice is you'll get better
00:47:05
answers.
00:47:06
And so, like, when you were doing the process, you were asking yourself a way better question
00:47:11
and then you probably normally do.
00:47:13
And you go, I want this.
00:47:14
Right?
00:47:14
We become children.
00:47:15
We're like, that's what I say.
00:47:16
I I think we're all just adult children.
00:47:18
Mhmm.
00:47:18
But this you know, we, like, I want this.
00:47:20
Like, I want candy.
00:47:22
Like, great.
00:47:23
But we actually have this skill.
00:47:24
We can go, why?
00:47:25
Why do I want the candy?
00:47:26
What would the candy give Well, what what would I get from that?
00:47:29
And what would that take away from this other thing?
00:47:31
And so we get to actually have a really cool conversation, but only if you ask yourself or
00:47:35
questions.
00:47:36
If you don't, you'll get what you always get.
00:47:38
You'll just you'll always take the same choice.
00:47:40
You'll go golfing and then I and, hey, I'm a love I love golf.
00:47:43
I get it.
00:47:44
But it they actually go, yeah.
00:47:45
But is that gonna serve me?
00:47:47
Is that gonna serve my business?
00:47:48
I gotta serve my future.
00:47:50
That's a good question.
00:47:51
Too.
00:47:52
You know, it's a it's a useful thing to consider.
00:47:54
So ask yourself better questions is humongous, like humongous.
00:47:59
And the other thing you did is that you just pause before you went for the candy.
00:48:02
You didn't just go, okay.
00:48:03
Actually, I gotta book it.
00:48:04
You actually just went, well, hang on.
00:48:06
Let's think it all the way through.
00:48:07
You know, I don't have my own clubs.
00:48:09
And, you know, I don't, you know, maybe then get there, but, man, it's pretty hot during the
00:48:12
day.
00:48:12
What time would I have to go golfing for that to work?
00:48:15
And so if you start to just pause and, again, nothing wrong with golf, is this gonna be more
00:48:20
effective long term for you?
00:48:22
Yeah.
00:48:22
The answer is I think you're saying yes.
00:48:24
Yeah.
00:48:25
That's right.
00:48:25
He made a decision.
00:48:26
Out for a music.
00:48:28
That's it.
00:48:28
That's it.
00:48:29
They're they're wrapping it on.
00:48:30
Get out.
00:48:31
Yeah.
00:48:31
So thank you.
00:48:33
Well, we, we always end it with one last question.
00:48:35
I'll let Alfie ask you.
00:48:36
So I think we talked about the the the pillars.
00:48:38
We always talk about this.
00:48:39
Our audience already knows.
00:48:40
We have these 6 pillars that when you have them dialed in, you are living full fueled.
00:48:45
Right?
00:48:46
And they are fuel, movement, sleep, mind, spirit, and purpose.
00:48:52
And so similar to, like, kind of the 4th areas you coach on, but what does living full fueled
00:48:57
look like to you?
00:49:00
You know, it's so crazy I'm about to answer this.
00:49:03
So So I'm gonna do, you know, use my own work here, go pause.
00:49:07
And, you know, really for me now.
00:49:10
Is being fully loving and loved.
00:49:13
Like, I'm looking for love, you know, constantly.
00:49:16
That's an old song looking for love in all the wrong places, but I'm actually looking for it
00:49:21
within and and above.
00:49:23
And so I'd like, I have a belief and, you know, excuse me, if you're not, you know, a Christian
00:49:27
or a Paul god is, like, as a new fellow, I'd say, I I think god loves me.
00:49:32
And if that's true, then I gotta live a life of somebody who's being loved by the greatest
00:49:36
thing ever.
00:49:37
So Yeah.
00:49:38
I I look for love, and it just so often I've met, a woman who I I had a experience where I'm
00:49:43
like, I'm never gonna ever be in relationship again.
00:49:46
It wasn't a joke.
00:49:48
It was serious.
00:49:49
All the work I done.
00:49:50
I'm like, I know this.
00:49:50
I won't be in relationship.
00:49:52
Met her, and I just asked her to get married on this trip.
00:49:55
A couple of days ago.
00:49:57
Right.
00:49:57
Yeah.
00:49:57
Thank you.
00:49:58
And I think full fuel for me is love.
00:50:01
The the fuel for me is love.
00:50:03
And so I I'm looking for for from her.
00:50:06
I'm giving it to her.
00:50:07
I my kids, my friends, new people in my life, and above So that's that's it for me.
00:50:14
And shout out to Kelly.
00:50:15
Congratulations.
00:50:18
That's awesome.
00:50:19
He proposed on this trip.
00:50:21
It was all recorded.
00:50:22
It was awesome.
00:50:23
So congratulations to you and Kelly.
00:50:25
And thank you for coming on the full field podcast.
00:50:27
Thank you so much, Darren.
00:50:28
I appreciate you.
00:50:30
Thank you, love you.
00:50:31
The full field led me on limits.
00:50:33
Nice.
00:50:34
Well done.
00:50:36
Welcome to the full field can.
00:50:38
So
00:50:38
I'm gonna set what the new normal looks like in my life.
00:50:40
You're not limited by your genetic.
00:50:42
You have always super power
00:50:44
that is lifted people at.
00:50:45
So, unfortunately, most businesses aren't gonna use the highest quality ingredients.
00:50:49
What's your approach?
00:50:50
Oh, Jack.
00:50:51
I know he's Jack.
00:50:52
That's why I'm asking him
00:50:53
to make a change.
00:50:53
I don't think he left.
00:50:54
Yeah.
00:50:55
Consistency everything that we do that really compound.
00:50:58
Only way we're gonna get the word out is with you, lift full fuel, lift your own limits,
00:51:03
baby.